can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.