i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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