Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.