He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
