Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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