Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.