Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story