It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
