I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
