The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
