I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
