I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
