I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
