I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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