Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
as a side note pls kill me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
