Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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