yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
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They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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