I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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