he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
