It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
