Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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