I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
