Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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