Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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