I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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