i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He has the fingertips of a God
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
