I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
