Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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