Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
