i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
