At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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