Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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