Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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