Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
