i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A+ Viking dick
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
