I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
