East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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