Me too!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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