i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
