next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
