You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize