Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
