she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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