I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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