Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
