I'm eating all of the evidence.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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