dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
