You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
