It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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