Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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