we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
