Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
