I want to make a zoo with you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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