I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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