God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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