i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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