Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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