Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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