My nipple is on Facebook.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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