u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
