So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
