he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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