My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
sex in a hospital.. check
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
