peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
