I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
