Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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