youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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