i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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