he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
40s are totally the cure
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
