Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
