No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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