btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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