to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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