Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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