You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
