You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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