Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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