please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
